IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to find part-time jobs. Some think this is a good development while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#countries #teenagers #jobs #think #development
Young ages are motivated to be employees in part-time
jobs
 in several countries. Some
people
 believe
this
 is a great idea because it will be their
experience
 before starting full-time
jobs
.
However
, others argue because it will affect to concentrate their
study
. In my point of view, I think they are taught about how valuable money is, and the salary which they earn will
also
 help their family. On the one hand, Various
people
 consider having part-time
jobs
 is a good idea because they can adapt their
experience
 in their
further
 career. My sister,
for example
, when she was a high school student. She does not only
study
 but
also
 works. She had 3 days to
work
 in the fast-food restaurant as a cashier. After graduated, she was encouraged by the employer to interest her because she has
experience
 in a temporary job.
On the other hand
, Some
people
 disagree because it will impact their learning. They believe youths have the responsibility to only
study
.
For instance
, My friend's son who wishes to find a part-time job argues with his family about it because his parents think if he goes to
work
 it will affect his education,
hence
 he decides to only
study
. In my opinion, I consider If teenagers have an opportunity to
work
 in temporary
jobs
 it will be wonderful because they can learn about how the value of money is, and they are able to help their family regarding the finance. In conclusion, in various countries, some
people
 believe teenagers should find a part-time job because they will have more
experience
 before
work
 in full time. By the way, others disagree with it because they are concern about education will be affected. In my point of view, I think it is better if the youths have temporary
jobs
 because they will learn about valuable money, and they can help their family with the finance.
Submitted by ramonthapat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: