IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Write a letter to your manager to request setting up a cafeteria for the staff. In your letter, you should tell: -what you heard about the inconvenience from the staff -how you feel about it -what suggestions you have.

#manager #request #cafeteria #staff #-what #inconvenience #-how #suggestions
Dear Mr Rai, Hope you are doing well. I am writing
this
 letter in order to request you
for setting
Change preposition
to set
show examples
 up a cafeteria for the staff. Let me explain in detail.
Last
 Friday
while
 having lunch, a few of the employees were discussing it. It is becoming extremely difficult for everyone to eat at their respective workstations.
Besides
 that, they are not been able to heat their food before eating.
Furthermore
, people who travel from far locations are finding it extremely challenging to bring their own lunch.
Hence
, they are surviving on junk food. Henceforth, I believe that a cafeteria is an extremely important requirement as
that is
 a basic right for employees at the workplace.
Moreover
, as people are eating inside the working area ;
thus
 , sometimes foul smell
comes that
Verb problem
sometimes
show examples
 creates an adverse working environment.
In addition
 to that, for ,me it is extremely critical that we have some time at the office where we are outside our cabin.
This
 increases productivity. I would like to suggest if we can set up a small eating place on our office roof-top by covering it.
Also
, we can arrange for a catering service that can provide healthy food
as well as
 install a micro-oven.
This
 will give all the employees immense satisfaction. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Shreya
Submitted by abhinaba.de on

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task response
Ensure that the letter provides more specific details about the inconvenience faced by the staff and how it affects their work productivity. This will enhance the task response.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are polite and appropriate. However, consider providing a more personalized greeting and closing to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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