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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Sample Academic Writing Part 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write at least 250 words. Write about the following topic: The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is argued that the mean number of the population's fitness is predicted to be much lower in the upcoming years compared to the present. To a certain extent, I totally agree with
this
 statement and the reasons will be discussed in
this
 following essay. The very
first
 and foremost reason is that
plethora
Correct article usage
a plethora
show examples
 of people tend to embrace
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
 diet as it is much more convenient and easier for the busy bees. As the majority in
this
 society spent most of their time at their workplace, they normally have a limited amount of time available for them to prepare their meals. So, they just grabbed some fast foods
such
 as burgers, pizza and so on
instead
 of cooking and packing for their own meal. These foods are rich in fat that highly contributes to chronic diseases,
for example
, obesity which causes deterioration in their health.
In addition
, almost every long-lasting food consists of preservatives which
also
 contains chemicals to help the food from being spoiled and to be able to store it for a year or more
such
 as canned food.
This
 is obviously not recommended in a healthy diet.
Secondly
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 enjoy consuming sweets and desserts
than
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 not only causes tooth decay
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 has a detrimental effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a person's well-being.
However
, it could be observed that the amount of sweets consumption has a dramatic increase each year.
This
 indicates that the children are eating more chocolates and candies rather than other healthy foods
such
 as fruits and vegetables. By summing up all the above reasons, the fact that more and more people are adapting
unhealthy
Change preposition
to unhealthy
show examples
 diet concludes that the population's well-being is deteriorating.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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