IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some celebrities are famous because of their wealth and glamour. Some people believe they can set a bad example for young people. Do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #wealth #glamour #people
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Luxury
lifestyle
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 and numerous achievements often make
celebrities
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 well-known. Some believe that
such
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 famous
people
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 cannot inspire younger generations. I partially agree with the former idea, as superstars negatively influence the younger generation by promoting unrealistic lifestyles.
However
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, they can be a role model for juniors since they are so active in philanthropic works. Most of the
celebrities
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 who are popular
due to
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 their wealth may negatively impact younger generations.Because they every time show their luxury
lifestyle
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 without showing any hard
work
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 and challenges they face to achieve
this
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 point.
For example
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,young
people
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 may develop unrealistic expectations, believing that success will even come without any hard
work
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 or effort.
Therefore
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,
this
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 can discourage young
people
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 and make them less motivated to push themselves to achieve their own ambitions.
On the other hand
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, well-known
people
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 can inspire youngsters by using their budget for community
work
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 or society-supporting organizations.As they share their luxury
lifestyle
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 on social media, they can
also
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 show their philanthropic works, which may gain significant attention and be shared among younger audiences.
Consequently
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, the rate of volunteers who
work
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 for free or active philanthropic workers among junior
people
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 may be significantly increased
as a result
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 of the positive influence of
celebrities
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' activities. In conclusion,
while
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celebrities
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 can possibly impact the
lifestyle
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 of young
people
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 through their help to
people
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 from low socio-economic backgrounds, In my view, their wealth and achievements may
also
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 demotivate young
people
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, which may neglect the hard
work
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as well as
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effort
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an effort
the effort
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 which is highly required to achieve their destinations.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to use more varied linking phrases and conjunctions to connect your ideas seamlessly. This will help maintain a logical flow throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, including an introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly introduces the topic and provides a stance, which engages the reader effectively.
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