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Band 5.5

Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but other people think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen at TV and the internet. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.

#people #travel #countries #information #tv #internet
It is commonly known that
people
 want to visit places around the world by themselves since they get to experience new cultures that they have never seen before.
However
,
books
,
films
, and the
Internet
also
 provide a great deal of cultural knowledge for those who have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
 in
this
 field;
therefore
, I strongly believe that these sources can be beneficial as they cost less money, and
information
 is accessible.
To begin
 with,
books
,
films
, and the
Internet
 are beneficial and can save
costs
 when
people
 would like to learn about cultures. These
platforms
 are cheap or free, and
people
 can learn from them by renting cultural
books
 from a library, watching cultural documentaries on online streaming
platforms
, and looking up cultural
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 on the
Internet
. To illustrate, an online streaming platform called Netflix, which covers a wide range of cultural documentaries, only
costs
 99 to 419 baht per month;
this
 subscription not only
costs
 less money than normal travel
costs
 but
also
 provides
people
 with reliable sources of
information
 about where they want to go.
Therefore
, these
platforms
 should not be overlooked when
people
 want to seek any cultural details since they can minimize their travel expenses
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 Along with
this
,
people
 can easily access in-depth cultural
information
 through
books
,
films
, and the
Internet
. Today, there are places where they are preserved or restricted from the public to visit;
however
,
books
,
films
, and the
Internet
 are the solutions for those who want to learn
cultures
Change preposition
about cultures
show examples
 in those areas.
For instance
, now, Afghanistan is having an international conflict with the Taliban, which causes war in the country;
hence
, it is currently a hazardous place to go to. These
platforms
 still provide
people
 in-depth cultural
information
 about their traditions, cuisine, lifestyle, and wars. Without them,
information
 from that place is difficult to find due to the lack of safety. All in all, the benefits of
first-hand
Change the article
the first-hand
show examples
 experience are numerous, though
books
,
films
, and the
Internet
 are more convenient to learn, as the expenses are lower, and
information
 is accessible. If more cultural knowledge is learned, more
people
 will understand and accept the differences in the world.
Submitted by suangpakanun on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive
  • interactions
  • virtual means
  • cultural nuances
  • language acquisition
  • problem-solving
  • adaptability
  • sustainability
  • virtual tours
  • documentaries
  • sophisticated
  • realistic representations
  • comprehensive understanding
  • financial status
  • carbon footprint
  • digital resources
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