IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some countries, small town-centre shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages?

#countries #town-centre #shops #business #people #drive #stores #cars #access #change
Some
people
 argue that more and more
people
 prefer to go to big
shops
 outside of town, which cause the downfall of
small town
Add a hyphen
small-town
show examples
shops
.
In addition
, it is becoming increasingly popular to use vehicles and many hurdles may arise for
people
 without personal vehicles. From my perspective, I believe that
detrimental
Correct article usage
the detrimental
show examples
 effects of
this
 variation can overshadow its benefits. There are some compelling reasons why the closure of the small
shops
 in town can cause negative consequences.
To begin
 with, those who are not in possession of a car standing most affected because they could have to squander an enormous amount of time moving to long distance
shops
.
As a result
, they do not have more time for some priorities
such
 as work or deadlines.
Moreover
, bankruptcies among town-centre
shops
 can cause unexpected damage to
national
Add an article
the national
show examples
 economy. It means that a severe economic decline can occur in cities where stores are no longer present. The increase in the use of cars for the commuting needs of shoppers is the problem. Traffic congestion has become worse due to the higher number of vehicles on the street.
Furthermore
, a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of pollutants emitted from means will rise, which affects adversely
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
’s health.
Last
 but not least,
this
 modification in shopping can encourage
people
 to move to big cities to live.
Hence
, the basic needs
such
 as housing and streets are increasing, which creates
such
 great pressure. In summary, shopping trends in big cities have many adverse impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
 and
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
.
Submitted by Hoài Nhi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: