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Band 5

Some people spend a lot of money attending cultural or sports events. Is it a good or a bad thing? Give your opinion and examples from your own experience.

#people #money #sports #events
On festive days or on some cultural days few individuals like to spend
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
money
 on
events
.
This
 essay will intend to look at the view
that is
 it agreeable or disagreeable according to my opinion one should not spend on a huge
amount
 on festive
events
 or on
sports
Add an article
a sports
the sports
show examples
event
.
To begin
 with, spendings which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 made by a
person
 on
a special festive
Correct the article-noun agreement
special festive events
a special festive event
show examples
events
 or on
sports
Add an article
a sports
show examples
event
 is way higher people most
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often
 spend a huge
amount
 on
events
 like these and it cost them
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
lot
 depends on
different
Add an article
a different
the different
show examples
 type of
events
 which are taking places
Add the comma(s)
, for instance,
show examples
for instance
 six months ago there was a festive season near my locality and a
person
 spend near about 6 lacs in that
event
 and that
event
 was
mind boggling
Add a hyphen
mind-boggling
show examples
 everything was arranged in a proper manner and it was looking like a lavish
event
 but one should not spend
this
 type of huge
amount
 on some
event
 like
this
person
 did
instead
 they should save
money
 for there
future
 because
no body
Correct your spelling
nobody
show examples
 knows about there
future
 that what will happen in there
future
 and they should save there earning for there better and secure
future
 if they get
loss
Replace the word
lost
show examples
 in
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 business or something like that they can use their saving
money
 in an emergency.
On the other hand
, they can
also
 help the
person
 who needs
money
 like
poor
Add an article
a poor
the poor
show examples
 or disabled
person
 who can’t earn or who works hard or try
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 but can’t earn
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 daily living
instead
 of spending huge
amount
 of
money
 on
events
 just to
showoff
Correct your spelling
show off
show examples
 in front of people. By helping helpless people we can be a good
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 and that
person
 will give his blessings to the
person
 who will give
money
 to that helpless
person
 we can
also
 spend
money
 on a child education whose parents cannot afford education of their child by educating their child we can help our country to be a better place and by doing
this
 we can end poverty soon. In conclusion,
instead
 of spending
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
amount
 of
money
Add a comma
,money
show examples
 we can help a helpless
person
 or we can put
money
 in our savings which will help us in our
future
 but spending
this
amount
 of
money
 on these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
events
 is wrong.
Submitted by manseeratkaur28 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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