Nowadays, more and more people from different cities are spending more time away from their families. What are the possible reasons and the effects on the people themselves and their families?

Today, the modern world has emerged to be more open than ever before, and actually, that affects families to be separated. Relatives could hardly find a chance to gather their family. In
this
essay, the potential factors that prevent their unity and the possible consequences of it
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
be examined.
To begin
with,
due to
the process of globalisation, each of us is allowed to travel around the world easily for a job or
for changing
Change preposition
to change
show examples
our lives. Obviously, work takes almost a third of our everyday time.
However
,
while
a person who works in an international company is forced to frequent job trips to other countries, it is usually much more than 8 hours per day.
Besides
this
, virtually every other person living in
suburbs
Correct article usage
the suburbs
show examples
move
Correct subject-verb agreement
moves
show examples
to metropolises. Indeed, large cities present plenty of opportunities in terms of both, work and education.
Therefore
, especially the young generation abandons their hometowns in order to acquire a decent education or job.
As a result
, people barely have the opportunity to be at home with their families.
Such
a trend could be associated with many dire consequences for mental health and family unity. Given the fact that people spend a considerable amount of time apart from their relatives, a lack of interaction and communication might yield a feeling of constant isolation and loneliness and,
thus
,
being damaging
Wrong verb form
damage
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
mind.
Moreover
, family members’ bonds are deteriorating. Having only an annual meeting as a traditional dinner,
for example
, relatives could barely replace their potential everyday connection. In conclusion, the modern way of living impedes the house to be close-knit.
While
families are deprived of a profound amount of time with the closest people in the world, there are ramifications that tend to complicate households to be united.
Submitted by tagubskikh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide more specific examples and details to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is good, but try to improve the flow of ideas within paragraphs.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Professional commitments
  • Economic factors
  • Career opportunities
  • Demanding careers
  • High-paying jobs
  • Higher education
  • Prestigious universities
  • Specialized training programs
  • Economic opportunities
  • Living costs
  • Healthcare services
  • Medical treatments
  • Feeling of loneliness
  • Stress levels
  • Mental health issues
  • Lack of family support
  • Close relationships
  • Weakened family bonds
  • Communication gaps
  • Emotional distress
  • Physical separation
  • Strain on marital relationships
  • Parenting
  • Personal freedom
  • Social interactions
  • Lifestyle choices
What to do next:
Look at other essays: