IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Although many people value their public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever-growing population or to develop business and boost economies. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

#people #value #parks #space #purposes #areas #population #business #economies
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It is clear that the urban population is increasing at a noticeable speed, and the citizens’ requests might be pressure by social resources. Even though many
people
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 value their public
parks
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, others suggest that it is better to replace
parks
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 with business or residential areas to meet their growing demand for land. I find
this
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 point of view very dissatisfactory.
Firstly
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, green places play a significant role in sustaining and improving
people
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’s health. Before anything else, trees and plants in
parks
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 can absorb carbon dioxide and other chemicals, as well as provide us oxygen which helps to improve that area’s air condition.
This
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 improvement can be essential to
people
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 who has breathing problems due to air pollution. Another reason to maintain public
parks
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 is many
people
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 can keep fit by doing exercises or doing public sports like badminton or football there. Daily exercises make a person healthier by improving their circulatory and immune system, building a stronger body plus protecting them from illness.
Secondly
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, cities which have
parks
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 and gardens look more appealing than those which don’t. If a city had only skyscrapers, industrial areas and housing estate, it would be pretty boring and dull;
therefore
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, the greens and flowers can make the city brighter and more colourful,
thus
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 bringing
people
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 closer to nature.
Finally
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, changing
parks
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 into business and residential places is not an effective solution to the yearly expanding population.
Instead
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, the government should build more satellite centres outside of crowding urban areas.
This
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 would not only solve the high rate of jobless workers but
also
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 decreased air pollution caused by traffic in cities. In conclusion, I believe that public
parks
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 benefit both the citizens and the panoramic view of the city, and there are alternative solutions to deal with growing needs for land use,
such
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 as building more suburb or suburban
Submitted by haioanhcongviec on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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