Government invest in the arts, such as music and theatre is waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reason for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

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These days
people
believe that politicians who are in charge of
society
should spend
money
on public
services
instead
of artistic activities
such
as music and theatre which are not important issues.
This
essay disagrees that it is preferable to invest a huge amount of
money
by different
governments
in
arts
in order to increase the general knowledge of
society
and create an opportunity for the young generation to be more creative. First of all, if a lot of investors are encouraged to put their
money
into artistic activities, individuals' knowledge will be improved when different types of
arts
level up. Since
people
are faced with a variety of artistic subjects, they will learn about different things in better ways, so, they can use public
services
in an efficient way.
Also
,
this
trend may lead
people
to invest some
money
in public
services
voluntarily.
For example
, in 2009 in Iran, about 300 public libraries were built by local
people
in each neighbourhood after the government had created an atmosphere where everyone could learn
arts
free of charge. Second of all, investing
money
from
governments
in
arts
could create a place where the young generation's creativity could be enhanced. Most teenagers' minds need to be bombarded with different types of valuable information that can only be gained from music, theatre, and other types of art. So, if
governments
provide useful artistic materials for them, they could be more creative.
As a consequence
, they can invent some public facilities that not only are good for
society
but
also
would reduce the amount of investment of
governments
in public
services
.
For instance
, based on a survey in Iran, a lot of public transportation has been improved because of college students who have some artistic backgrounds. In conclusion, if
governments
put their assets into providing a place where
arts
can be improved
instead
of investing only in public
services
, it is not only a waste of
money
but
also
could increase the general knowledge of
society
and creativity levels of the young generation which can be more beneficial.
Submitted by ramtin.n1374 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
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Task Achievement
For task achievement, ensure every point made is directly linked to the question posed. Strengthen your argument with more varied and detailed examples, if possible, to further support your stance and ideas.
Introduction & Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, effectively bookending your essay and reinforcing your viewpoint.
Logical Structure
Your essay demonstrates good logical structure, with a clear progression of ideas from the importance of arts to the potential creativity it nurtures in the youth.
Supported Main Points
You provided relevant examples to support your main points, such as the initiative in Iran to build public libraries and the improvement of public transportation, which helps to ground your argument in real-world outcomes.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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