IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe famous people’s support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems. Others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #people’s #support #aid #organizations #attention #celebrities
The chunk of the
population
suppose
Change the verb form
supposes
show examples
 that celebrities can provide big assistance to international welfare
organizations
 while others hold totally an opposite opinion. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will give
plausible
Add an article
a plausible
show examples
 explanation on both views and discuss my point of view over
this
conversial
Correct your spelling
conversion
controversial
 debate. On the one hand, many famous persons have a big fan following especially youth are more inclined towards their favourite celebrities. They try to imitate them by every means. It's always been a good idea to involve those persons in aiding
organizations
. They can promote their
message
 in less time to a larger
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
population
.
For instance
,
Two
Correct article usage
the Two
show examples
 richest persons Mark
zukerberg
Correct your spelling
Zuckerberg
 and Bill gates have started an awareness program about
Correct your spelling
ALS
AlS
Change to a genitive case
Al's
show examples
 disease. They encouraged
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 to perform voluntary work in
this
 program. 70% of
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
population
 offered their voluntary role after their appeal. Another Example, A famous footballer spread the word through his
twitter
Change the capitalization
Twitter
show examples
 account that coke is not good for health. on the very
next
 day,
product
Correct article usage
the product
show examples
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 of coke has decreased by 55%.
On the other hand
, numerous
people
 opine that helping
organizations
 should spread their
message
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 local
people
. Fan followers start paying attention
on
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 what celebrity is wearing rather
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 paying attention
on
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 the
message
 they are trying to convey. In 2013 there was a massive earthquake
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 in Africa. some
hollywood
Change the capitalization
Hollywood
show examples
 actors went there to give donations and convince other
people
 to help
organizations
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
speed up their work. On the
contary
Correct your spelling
contrary
,
people
 went there to meet their favourite celebs. They
ingnore
Correct your spelling
ignore
 the actual
message
 and brought
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
chaos. In a nutshell, I am more in favour of not involving celebrities in
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness or welfare programs. It will only cost money which can utilize for the betterment of needy
people
.
Submitted by rutabomair on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • international aid organizations
  • draws attention
  • less important
  • famous people
  • celebrities
  • volunteer support
  • overshadow
  • dilute
  • sustainability
  • endorsement
  • genuine
  • advocacy
  • deeper understanding
  • engaged
  • informed base
  • committed
What to do next:
Look at other essays: