IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Too much emphasis has been put on going to university for academic study. We should encourage more people to receive vocational training because of the needs for tradespeople like plumbers and electricians. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 contend that attending
vocarional
Correct your spelling
vocational
 schools should be advocated considering the overemphasis of tertiary education.
This
Linking Words
 emphasis
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 attending universities is reasonable in
this
Linking Words
 knowledge-based society since well-educated
people
Use synonyms
 have a great potential to accelerate the development of industries and find well-paid jobs. In
this
Linking Words
 knowledge-based society, due to
rapid
Correct article usage
the rapid
show examples
 development of science and technology,
people
Use synonyms
 need to acquire so much knowledge that they are competent
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 undertaking various complex work. It is studying in universities that
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 them with
this
Linking Words
 chance to study those theories. And
thus
Linking Words
 they can promote the development of industries and get high salaries.
Instead
Linking Words
 of obtaining academic ability, what vocational education teaches is mainly basic
skills
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 cannot enable students to find good jobs. Vocational training should not be highlighted much because students who only obtain
skills
Use synonyms
 will meet the glass ceiling of industries. What students learn in vocational schools is restricted to
skills
Use synonyms
 and simple knowledge.
This
Linking Words
 would put them in a dilemma once those
people
Use synonyms
 face difficulties regarding technical theories. And their limited knowledge is not helpful for them to be promoted to management positions.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 obtaining a vocational degree might be a good choice for those
people
Use synonyms
 who show talent in less knowledge-based work.
People
Use synonyms
 have distinct talents in various aspects and some are talented in
skills
Use synonyms
 and less knowledge-demanding jobs. Vocational education can help them show talent in those aspects. In conclusion, I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea but attending universities should be paid much attention.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: