IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that elderly parents ought to live at senior homes. Other believe that they should live with family members. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #parents #homes #members
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In the present age, there has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether elderly people should live with their families or at senior homes. Many
persons
Replace the word
people
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 argue that it is better for them to spend their days at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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retirement homes,
while
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 others believe that old
parents
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 always should be with their children. Personally, I am in favour of the latter view and I feel
this
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 way because of two reasons which I explain in the following essay.
To begin
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 with, the primary reason we have to take into consideration is that old people have many valuable experiences that are really beneficial for young individuals to know them.
Furthermore
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, grandparents are able to share their successes and failures and give important advice to the next generations.
For instance
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, they can speak to their grandchildren about life in the past and
also
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 the challenges that they will face in the future.  The second reason
that is
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 worth pointing out is that
parents
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 spend many years to grow their children in a good condition so it is not fair to leave them in a retirement house when they need more caring and attention.
Moreover
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, all individuals have a responsibility to
looking
Wrong verb form
look
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 after their old
parents
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 and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not hurt their feelings.
For example
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, if
persons
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people
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 have tried to make a big family and do many things for them during the years, they will expect to spend their difficult days within their family.
To sum up
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, I would like to say that I strongly disagree with the statement that old individuals ought to live
at
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in
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 senior places. The main factor that we have to take into consideration is that there are advantages both for
parents
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 and kids. In fact, if they live with family members, will not feel lonely and
in addition
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, they can provide much useable advice for
young
Correct word choice
younger
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 generations.
Submitted by sajedehmo on

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task response
Your essay covers the main points of the topic, but make sure to clearly position your stance in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is clear, and your ideas are organized and connected well. However, work on having a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points.
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