In the fight against crime, police forces and government are increasingly using security cameras in public places. Some people are opposed to this, saying that it invades our privacy. What do you think?
Nowadays, a lot of
people
more
concerned about their Add a missing verb
are more
security
, and so there is using more public security
such
as camera
in public Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
areas
. However
, many people
do not agree with them to have more public cameras
. This
essay will discuss whether this
is correct.
To start with, the
public Correct article usage
apply
security
usually has two main arguments. The first one is prevention. It often
argued that having Add a missing verb
is often
cameras
everywhere in public spaces such
as streets and transportation areas
. It can decrease the number of committing crimes
because the criminals scare the camera that it can capture and record their crimes
. Another reason, installing cameras
in areas
where it does not have
more Unnecessary verb
apply
people
can prevent the
Correct article usage
apply
crimes
because many outlaws often commit the
Correct article usage
apply
crime
in secret Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
areas
and also
it helps police to identify the
Correct article usage
apply
criminal
easily by recording video. Both Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
points
Correct subject-verb agreement
point
that aim
police to keep Verb problem
the
a
peace.
That said, if we have many public Correct article usage
the
cameras
, the
privacy will be reduced. Correct article usage
apply
First,
I think they should install only public places, do not place in
private Correct pronoun usage
them in
areas
as home
. Since no one Fix the agreement mistake
homes
want
the police or Change the verb form
wants
a
government Correct article usage
the
looking
into their home. Change the verb form
to look
Moreover
, people
should look after themselves and concerned
about the government knowing where Add a missing verb
be concerned
you
are at all times. Correct pronoun usage
they
Finally
, many public security
agencies use this
technology device to
against Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
crimes
but we do not have to trust everybody since we cannot relieve to
others.
In conclusion, Change preposition
apply
while
the public cameras
are help
a lot of Change the verb form
help
people
avoid the crimes
, the privacy of the people
must be protected as much as possible. In my opinion, public security
is necessary but it can record video, it need
to share Change the verb form
needs
to
Change preposition
with
public
about who can access Add an article
the public
this
data.Submitted by Marker & Kaohom
on
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coherence cohesion
The essay addresses the topic and provides relevant arguments. However, the ideas should be more logically organized and the introduction and conclusion could be improved.
task achievement
The response is partially complete and lacks clear and comprehensive ideas. The essay could benefit from more specific examples to support the arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.