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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Agree or disagree?

#people #money #factor #happiness
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Many
people
 considered
money
 as a significant element to accomplish
happiness
.
Although
, others opinion is that
money
 and wealth
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 no connection with delight in
life
. Some
people
 say
money
 can buy
happiness
. I personally believe that being happy and
happiness
 have various
definition
Fix the agreement mistake
definitions
show examples
 in every
persons
Change to a genitive case
person's
show examples
life
. Overall, I strongly agree with
this
 notion that
money
 plays a key role of joy and help to create the conditions for being happy. According to the connection between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
 and
happiness
, in my
assumption
Add a comma
,assumption
show examples
 it depends on how you spend the
money
.
For example
,
people
 are happier when spending
money
 on experiences
instead
 of things. Experiences stay in our memories. like going to concerts or
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
. While others donate
money
 to charity or buy someone a gift to have a feeling of
happiness
. On the other side of the argument, there are
people
 who believe that
money
 has nothing to do with
happiness
. Nowadays because of inflation and crisis all over the
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 the definition of
happiness
 has changed to having
money
. Some
people
 do not have
money
 to save it. They just have to work hard because of their requirements in their personal
life
. They do not know anything about
happiness
 and joy, they just work
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
 a living.
However
, I know some
people
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are seriously rich but are disappointed and rarely did they experienced
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness
.
For instance
, the family lost their child because of an illness,
money
 does not have any value because the heartbreak of his mother and father cannot be wiped through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial aid. Even though,
money
 gives lots of benefits to
people
 in terms of their position and lifestyle. To summarize, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 I personally believe that according to the different definition of
happiness
,
money
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 sense to personal
life
 but it should not relate just
money
 as an important factor for accomplish. It relies on the way that others spend
money
.
Therefore
, I strongly agree with the notion that
happiness
 has
relation
Correct article usage
a relation
show examples
 to
money
.
Submitted by nataly280480 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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