IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Write about the following topic: At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
Presently , some nations have a high percentage of young adults in comparison to old
people
. The advantages of younger
people
 that provide the workforce required for robust economic activities and have a lesser burden of disease for a society to support, outweigh the disadvantages of inexperience, which is more in the elderly. Young persons are playing an instrumental role by providing necessary manpower in the development of countries. They have all the characteristics namely energy, enthusiasm and passion that are pre-requisites of a healthy workforce.
People
 in the early stages of life work hard to gain status in society and have healthy competition among same age persons.
For example
, Kuwait has one of the youngest populations in the world with 70 per cent below the age of 40, resultantly contribution of the younger is proportionately higher.
Therefore
, a younger workforce has a positive impact on the growth of a country.
Furthermore
, the quantum of disease is less in young as compared to the elderly which has a negative impact on economic parameters. Take
for example
 Japan has a large share of old
people
 in its population and it results in the expenditure of a heavy amount for the treatment of age-related health issues.
This
 trend will negatively impact
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if it continues for some more time.
On the other hand
, the elderly have the advantage of being more experienced in doing things and are successful professionals as they have already spent a lot of time gaining experience.
For example
, in my department seniors help a lot to train and develop the skills of juniors.
However
, the actual work is still being performed by the younger
people
. In conclusion,
although
 elderly individuals help promote nurture the young generation with their experience,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 the advantages of energy and healthy manpower outweigh its disadvantage of less experience.
Submitted by doctalat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: