IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that because children find subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult, they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree?

#people #children #subjects #mathematics #philosophy
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many feel that overly rigorous
subjects
such
 as mathematics and philosophy should not be mandatory for
children
. In my opinion, though there is a risk
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 will struggle to cope, teachers should be able to adapt to the subject matter. One reason these
subjects
 should not be mandatory is they are often too abstract for young
children
. Numbers themselves are abstract.
This
 is why many
children
 are unable to tell time as it is essentially a metaphorical division of a circle into a clock. Teachers who place too much emphasis on abstract numbers and ideas in their lessons will find that students may become bored because they are unable to grasp the concepts. Philosophy could
also
 become tedious and inefficient if the students lack the cognitive ability to apply general rules and ethical considerations to everyday life.
This
 capacity to recognize and apply abstractions typically develops later in adolescence.
However
, these
subjects
 can be made accessible for
children
. The key is the approach of teachers and the choice of materials. Math,
for example
, does not need
to begin
 with complex, abstract equations but could
instead
 involve real-world scenarios and simple logic. Numbers could be introduced later as
children
 tend to be confused by less grounded concepts.
Similarly
, philosophy can be approached from a number of mediums, including through stories. Many
children
’s stories and fables feature curious protagonists and interesting morals.
Instead
 of explicitly instructing
children
 through academic jargon, they can engage with the same questions about life and its origins more directly through the journey of characters in a story. In conclusion, despite the risks of theory-heavy
subjects
 for young learners, schools should embrace the challenge and seek less explicit teaching methodologies.
This
 will help form the basis of a well-rounded education.
Submitted by sharshal310 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: