IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns. Do more advantages or disadvantages?

#people #countryside #cities #towns
The Provided graph represents the data of three nations
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
 aged from 65 and above in the year 1940 to 2040. Overall, it is predominantly clear that the three countries
population
 significantly increased.
In contrast
, The USA outraced the other countries
population
 and stood top.
First
 and foremost, Japan has the highest aged
population
 in 1940 with around 10%. Its number keep on increasing till 1980 with 15% aged
populatuion
Correct your spelling
population
.
However
, Japan
experinced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 a decline for four decades reached to 14%, and it started to rise slowly and
predicted
Add a missing verb
is predicted
show examples
 to increase 23% in 2040.
In contrast
, Sweeden started with
6
Correct article usage
a 6
show examples
% older
population
 in 1940,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it experienced some fluctuations but reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20% in 2020. as for the
estimations
Add a comma
,estimations
show examples
 its aged people number likely to reach 25% in 2040.
In
Change the preposition
At
show examples
 the beginning of the period The
USA
Add a comma
,USA
show examples
 aged
popultion
Correct your spelling
population
 is very low with 5%. whereas, their number
keep
Change the verb form
keeps
show examples
 on decreasing till 2000 with 4%. Surprisingly the USA showed a
constant
Change the adjective
constantly
show examples
 increased
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Change preposition
in thier
show examples
population
 and expected to reach a point of 28%
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
decade
Add an article
the decade
show examples
.
Submitted by doondi9999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: