IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others , however , say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
Issues related to public health are frequently being discussed these days. Growing concerns are becoming heated questions among the
people
 that by improving
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities and indulging
people
 into it can reduce health issues. While
this
 view is not supported by some critics who oppose it. Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sides have their logic to support their opinion which will be discussed in
this
 dissertation before coming to any conclusion. As far as the matter is concerned, I would like to stamp the mark on
this
 view by stating that encouraging citizens to involve
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 physical activities like
sports
 will have a remarkable impact on the
people
. The
first
 and foremost point that strikes my mind is that
sports
 aids an individual to be fit as a fiddle. Another noteworthy notion
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 caters attention is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it not only improves
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
physical wellbeing but
also
 improves mental and social health.
This
 matter can be explained
presicely
Correct your spelling
precisely
 by citing an example of our
olympics
Change the capitalization
Olympics
Olympic
show examples
 gold medalist
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
show examples
 Neeraj Chopra, who in an interview stated that he was very conscious about himself and neither
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 social animal as he was obese. But with the efforts of his
parents
Add a comma
,parents
show examples
 he
was send
Change the verb form
was sent
show examples
 to
an
Change the article
a
show examples
sports
 academy so that he can reduce weight. That day his life got transformed as he not only became fit but
also
 started being happy and made a lot of friends. Probing ahead, another aspect of
this
 matter deals with its opposite side. Some
people
 are in favour of adding more measures into a
persons
Change to a genitive case
person's
show examples
 life so that they can remain fit. With
sports
 , lifestyle improvement lessons should
also
 be given to
remain
Change the verb form
remaining
show examples
 healthy.
In addition
 to
this
, government
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
should set up open gyms which will allow
people
 to
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
with
Change preposition
without
show examples
 the liability of paying money and more pupils will try to stay healthy. After cogitating on a great deal of thought and discussion the conclusion to be drawn here is that everything has its own significant value and if all of these will be clubbed together it
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 in
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
positive attitude and
people
 will have an optimistic approach towards being healthy.
Submitted by alfmarina05 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!