IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The older you get, life becomes more difficult. Give reasons in your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge.

#life
People
 go through various phases and deal with many different situations at every stage of their
lives
. With the increasing
age
, the problems that a human face
also
 increases.
This
 essay will discuss how
age
 negatively impacts the
health
 of an individual and
also
 how it affects the
lives
 of the
people
 around them. The
health
 of a person deteriorates as his
age
 increases. Especially, elderly
people
 suffer from different kinds of ailments as their certain body parts and organs stop responding properly at later stages of their
lives
. The major contributors to
this
 development are poor
health
 habits and a lack of awareness of
health
-related issues among the old
age
 community. According to a survey conducted by the
Health
 Ministry of India, over 30% of the
people
age
 60 and above avoid physical activities and need constant medical attention to survive.
Moreover
, as a person gets older, the
lives
 of
people
 around him
also
 get affected in various aspects. Not only do they have to support the aged member of the family on a physical and an emotional level, but
also
 they need to spend a significant amount of resources to avail sitter services to keep their aged parents in a good shape.
For instance
, families with bed-ridden elderly have to allocate and spend more than 40% of their earnings on hiring a permanent caretaker for their parents. In conclusion, as
people
 grow older, they become more prone to
health
 issues and become liabilities for themselves as well as for their close ones.
Submitted by akshits030 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: