IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes the many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Some
people
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 argue that we have to find a solution to decrease
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consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
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 of sugar in
foods
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 and that's increasing the
price
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 of sugary
products
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, which almost all
foods
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 and drinks contain
high
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a high
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 amount of that. I completely disagree with
this
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 statement that
this
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 solution gonna be effective enough. There would be at least two
facet
Change to a plural noun
facets
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 to
this
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 proposal.
Firstly
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, If a
food producing
Add a hyphen
food-producing
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 company decide to increase the
price
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 of
it's
Replace the word
its
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 sugary
products
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, other rival companies may implement the same policy so
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price
Add an article
the price
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 of all sugary
products
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 will increase simultaneously.
Secondly
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, it is unavoidable that
people
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 still believe high-quality
foods
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 and drinks surely have more
price
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 in compared with low-quality
products
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.
Furthermore
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,
consumption
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 of
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 sugary
foods
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 couldn't decrease and it
also
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 can mislead
people
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for
Change preposition
into
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 buying these
products
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.
Finally
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, these sugary
products
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 are still so detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
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 body health and nothing will change by increasing their prices. There is ample evidence that how different Nations can manage
production
Correct article usage
the production
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 and
consumption
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 of these detrimental
products
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. By educating
people
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 about her their lifestyle and
substance
Correct article usage
the substance
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 that they consume.
For instance
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, show commercial advertising about sugary
products
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 drawbacks.
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Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 government can allocate some special benefits to factories
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 can produce
foods
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 with fewer amounts of sugar. Numerous studies have constantly found that food raw materials like artificial glucose
that is
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 harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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 health can be replaced with other natural sugary elements. In conclusion, I would argue that
consumption
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 of sugary
products
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 should be restricted but not from increasing the
price
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 of
product
Add an article
the product
a product
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, there is
also
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various
Add an article
a various
the various
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 solution for
this
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 trouble as I mentioned few above.
Submitted by arash.dejkameh on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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