At the present time, the population of some countries includes relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

#time #population #countries #adults #people

Some parties expressed their

ideas

about the young adult population and the older generation

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

with each other in positive and negative ways.

According to

this

, topic I am going to demonstrate my personal thought with some examples. First of all the population would be the key feature in the

country

, when it pursues

development

. Having a large population of the young workforce compared to the

elder

Replace the word

elderly

show examples

crowd would be a valuable asset to the

country

On the other hand

, having a large number of

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young labour force will lead to an inexperienced situation.

Moreover

, there

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

a number of pros and cons considering

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

real-life examples and facts, depending on the personal opinion. To start with advantages, young crowds enriched with new

ideas

energy

Correct word choice

and energy

show examples

, willing to work in different locations or under any weather conditions.

This

kind of situation may increase the

development

speed at a reasonable level.

Although

, based on the new

ideas

, young people will come up with the new method of an easy way to

finished

Wrong verb form

finish

show examples

the task of the job effectively.

This

might be the key feature of

development

in the

country

However

, young adults do not have enough experience compared to older people,

due to

this

case experience labour force would be another major factor of

development

in a

country

In addition

, a person who has the most kills in their respective fields, might not generate new

ideas

Reason

Correct article usage

The reason

show examples

to that

person

Correct article usage

a person

show examples

who

done

Add a missing verb

has done

show examples

their work, in the same way, might not like new changes. As an example, if

this

occurs in a production factory, its output would not increase

due to

a lack of creativity or new thoughts.

Finally

, having young adults more than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

old people would be

Verb problem

apply

show examples

an advantage to the

country

Change noun form

country's

show examples

development

and moving with the new technology there is no other who can take the younger generation's role.

Submitted by kasun.sanjayacool on Fri Aug 27 2021

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coherence cohesion

Ensure a clear separation of your points. They seem to be merged together without clear transitions.

task achievement

Your introduction seems to lack a clear thesis statement. Make sure to include a sentence that summarizes what the essay is about.

language

Be careful with grammar and spelling errors. For example, 'kills'in the third paragraph seems to be a typographic error for 'skills'. Such mistakes can affect your overall score.

task achievement

The main points could be more adequately supported and explained. Consider providing more evidence and explanation for your statements.

Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

311 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Your opinion

Please elaborate on your current physical and mental health, including any dental or oral treatment, medical interventions, and mental health therapy or counseling. *

Advertising has become an unavoidable part of everyone’s life. Some say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is a negative one. Discuss both views and include your own opinion.

Plastic shopping bags contribute to the pollution of land and sea.Some people think they should be banned.Do you agree or disagree. Give examples for your answers.

Some people think that the use of computers in primary and secondary schools makes education more enjoyable and efficient, while others believe that too much dependence on computers causes both physical and emotional problems. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

In today's very competitive world, a worker has to possess multiple skills to succeed. Among the skills that a worker should possess, which skill do you think is more important, social skills or good qualifications? Explain the reasons and provide specific examples to support your answer.