At the present time, the population of some countries includes relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Some parties expressed their
ideas
about the young adult population and the older generation
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
with each other in positive and negative ways.
According to
this
, topic I am going to demonstrate my personal thought with some examples. First of all the population would be the key feature in the
country
, when it pursues
development
. Having a large population of the young workforce compared to the
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
crowd would be a valuable asset to the
country
.
On the other hand
, having a large number of
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young labour force will lead to an inexperienced situation.
Moreover
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
a number of pros and cons considering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real-life examples and facts, depending on the personal opinion. To start with advantages, young crowds enriched with new
ideas
,
energy
Correct word choice
and energy
show examples
, willing to work in different locations or under any weather conditions.
This
kind of situation may increase the
development
speed at a reasonable level.
Although
, based on the new
ideas
, young people will come up with the new method of an easy way to
finished
Wrong verb form
finish
show examples
the task of the job effectively.
This
might be the key feature of
development
in the
country
.
However
, young adults do not have enough experience compared to older people,
due to
this
case experience labour force would be another major factor of
development
in a
country
.
In addition
, a person who has the most kills in their respective fields, might not generate new
ideas
.
Reason
Correct article usage
The reason
show examples
to that
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
who
done
Add a missing verb
has done
show examples
their work, in the same way, might not like new changes. As an example, if
this
occurs in a production factory, its output would not increase
due to
a lack of creativity or new thoughts.
Finally
, having young adults more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old people would be
e
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an advantage to the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
development
and moving with the new technology there is no other who can take the younger generation's role.
Submitted by kasun.sanjayacool on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear separation of your points. They seem to be merged together without clear transitions.
task achievement
Your introduction seems to lack a clear thesis statement. Make sure to include a sentence that summarizes what the essay is about.
language
Be careful with grammar and spelling errors. For example, 'kills'in the third paragraph seems to be a typographic error for 'skills'. Such mistakes can affect your overall score.
task achievement
The main points could be more adequately supported and explained. Consider providing more evidence and explanation for your statements.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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