Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.

Nowadays, the modern society many children like getting own
decisions
around their basic
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements

It seems that requirement may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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,
likewise
, food, clothes and the
way
of entertainment. Some people were arguing, allowing them to make their own selection on every matter that
are
Change the verb form
is

The plural verb are does not appear to agree with the singular subject every matter. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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influenced by
Add an article
the

The noun phrase society seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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society in a harmful
way
like individualism. Other people were arguing, it is an impotent
way
let
Change preposition
to let

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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them make their
decisions
about themselves regarding that matter.
This
essay will explore both opinions and express my view in the end.
To begin
with , many parents are nowadays, force on their child live much more compare in earlier. They think children could not make self
decisions
without a proper guide, while even their meals, dresses or
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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hobbies
also
choose by their parents. It will badly affect their babies in future circumstances.
Hence
, they cannot live without their elders, cannot make self-opinion without depending on others advice.
On the other hand
, some believe that let them make their own choices on every matter in their life. But as a parent, you have to protect your own child in bad situations.
Moreover
, children have the right to make their own opinion even, favourite food, to watch most like movie or cartoon, play a more preferable video game, etc...
As a result
, it helps them build independently, enhance their creativeness,
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making

It appears that decision making is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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ability leadership qualities and self-motivation.
Finally
, as a
,
Remove the comma
apply

There should be no comma after the article a in your sentence. Remove the comma.

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parent
Add an article
the parent

The noun phrase parent seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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you should guide your younger’s in the proper
way
.
However
, they are too young to get their own
decisions
in every circumstance, while adults needed to help them to select and find out positive and negative things in their lives. It will help them to grow in good qualities and attitudes and the modern society.
Although
, In my view, is we have to guide teenagers in
Add an article
a

The noun phrase better way seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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better
way
and let them make their self-decision as well. I moderately agree with
this
second
option.
Submitted by kasun.sanjayacool on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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