IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Rapid population growth in cities has brought with it many prolems. What are these probems? How can the quality of life of city residents be maintained?

#population #growth #cities #prolems #probems #quality #life #city #residents
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Nowadays, the population of towns and various urban areas is increasing.
This
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 essay highlights some key issues that have
been
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resulted
,
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 and the possible solutions for the above-mentioned problem. There are two main consequences of a population explosion.
Firstly
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, more and more individuals are using automobiles implying an increase in pollution.
Additionally
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, the government is not able to manage the traffic leading to accidents, deaths and so much more. The environment
due to
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an
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increased vehicular usage is
deteriorated
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 affecting the health of normal persons.
For instance
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, the air quality Index of Delhi is terrible, especially, in areas like Ghaziabad.
Secondly
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, the education of students is largely affected. Teachers cannot pay attention to an individual learner when the class size is 50. The Hindu, in an
,
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editorial reported that only 15 to 20% of class students can read and understand English
of
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 class 3. In short, the effect is more diverse and alarming than one can think of. Rather than waiting for the government to take measures, one can take certain steps in order to assuage the problem. First and foremost, starting with small steps like using a bicycle to reach a nearby destination can really create an impact.
Although
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 it may be strenuous for citizens to abide by
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government policies and guidelines, doing so can be very helpful.
For example
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, citizens who discarded the use of plastic after it was banned by the Indian administration, were more enthusiastic, desiring to resolve other difficulties. So complying with the rules and endeavouring in the proper direction can alleviate the issue. So
to sum up
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, I believe that even though troubles are difficult to surmount, with the help of the ministry it is possible to do so.
Submitted by sharshal310 on

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Task Response
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the main problems and solutions related to rapid population growth in cities. Provide a more specific conclusion summarizing the main points and solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear logical structure with well-organized paragraphs. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more substantial, framing the essay more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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