IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many governments think economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#governments #progress #people #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Any
society
Use synonyms
 is alive based on various aspects that government should provide. One of the most important of them is economics.
Although
Linking Words
 economic improvement is crucial in every
country
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 would be not enough and other possible growth factors of a
country
Use synonyms
 should be considered
such
Linking Words
 as
politics
Use synonyms
 and
security
Use synonyms
 that will be discussed
furthur
Correct your spelling
further
.
Use synonyms
Economy
Add an article
The economy
show examples
 is one of the essential elements of every
society
Use synonyms
, and by putting enough attention and nurturing it, several benefits will be provided; Two of the most important ones are crowd lives enhancements and increasing
in
Add a hyphen
in-country
show examples
country
Use synonyms
power
Use synonyms
. If any
country
Use synonyms
 wants to obtain its people
power
Use synonyms
 for buying goods, the government itself needs to sustain the
Use synonyms
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 health.
Then
Linking Words
 parents and those who
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 can provide a relaxing life for their families by
reasonable
Add an article
a reasonable
show examples
 amount of salary they gain. The other benefit that
Use synonyms
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 growth will provide, is improving
Add a hyphen
in-country
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
country
Use synonyms
power
Use synonyms
 among others.Every
society
Use synonyms
 with
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
economy
Use synonyms
 will gain tourists and powerful companies attention and
subsequently
Linking Words
 will be more powerful than it was before.
For example
Linking Words
, China is now of the greatest world leaders in
economy
Use synonyms
, and
threfore
Correct your spelling
therefore
 It is a great
country
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 is essential
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
there are other factors as good as or even more important than
Use synonyms
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as
politics
Use synonyms
 and
security
Use synonyms
power
Use synonyms
 of a
country
Use synonyms
. No
country
Use synonyms
 can be successful without having
comunication
Correct your spelling
communication
 with others and
that is
Linking Words
 why good political contacts are very important.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is North Korea as an independent
country
Use synonyms
, and It barely has
political
Add an article
a political
show examples
relationship
Replace the word
relations
show examples
 with other governments, and It is clear, living quality is not suitable for their people in that
country
Use synonyms
.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
politics
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
security
Correct article usage
the security
show examples
power
Use synonyms
 of a
country
Use synonyms
 is the other
crutial
Correct your spelling
crucial
critical
 factor that needs to be provided.
govenrmts
Correct your spelling
governments
 should assure their
scociety
Correct your spelling
society
 with complete
security
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that they can spend their time without
fearing
Change the form of the verb
fear
show examples
.As we have heard in news, we are aware that Afghan people are not having a secure life these days because of their lack of
security
Use synonyms
 in their
country
Use synonyms
. To conclude, as discussed in advance,
Use synonyms
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 is one of the essential things for
society
Use synonyms
 but
on the other hand
Linking Words
, there is
security
Use synonyms
 and
politics
Use synonyms
 which have
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 profound influence on
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
 of inhabitants and
therefore
Linking Words
 governments should
also
Linking Words
 consider these as well.
Submitted by kordmodanloo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: