IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with ? What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys ?

#parents #children #toys #child
It is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a scientific fact that
toys
 are of paramount importance for a
child
's development. Many parents purchase numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different
toys
 for their
children
.
Although
 some may consider
toys
 as
redundent
Correct your spelling
redundant
 with no
psycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 or social purposes, I see several advantages which I will outline below. There are some strong persuasive arguments in favour of purchasing a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
toys
 for
children
. Different
toys
 can have
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
meaning
Fix the agreement mistake
meanings
show examples
 for
children
.
For instance
, sometimes
toys
 can function as a substitute for parents in their
abscence
Correct your spelling
absence
.
In addition
, the
child
 acquires some valuable skills in socialising when playing different roles with their
toys
.
Thus
,
toys
 play an indispensable role in a
child
's development and I do not believe that there should be a limit on the number of
toys
 bought by parents. A few disadvantages could be that a
child
 does not feel attached to a certain toy, and completely
Correct your spelling
opposite
show examples
opposit
Correct your spelling
opposite
show examples
 where a
child
 may not go to sleep and stop crying before having his or her favourite toy with him or herself again. it could
also
 be a quite waste of money and time as
children
 will eventually grow accustomed to their
toys
 as they grow up. In summary, it is evident that
toys
 always have played an
essencial
Correct your spelling
essential
 role in a
child
's development. Having weighed up the pros and cons, I believe that
children
 should have opportunities to play with different
toys
 in order to develop and learn how to socialize.
Submitted by ab on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: