IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Parents and teachers make many rules for children to encourage good behaviour and to protect them from danger. However, children would benefit from fewer rules and greater freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#parents #teachers #rules #children #behaviour #danger #freedom
Shaping the new generation needs efforts from the parents and the educators. For
this
, on the one hand, it is the belief that special
rules
 should be made for the young generation,
while
 a contrary view holds that they should not be
bounded
Verb problem
bound
show examples
 by
rules
.
This
 essay will discuss why I completely agree with the former statement. Admittedly, the future of
children
 depends on how
well disciplined
Add a hyphen
well-disciplined
show examples
 they are. As the caretaker
impart
Correct subject-verb agreement
imparts
show examples
 some
rules
 on them related to the type of food they eat, how should they talk or how to dress for different functions, they come out as a person with
Add an article
the
show examples
psychology of a well-behaved person. National service
scheme
Fix the agreement mistake
schemes
show examples
,
for instance
, managed by
army
Correct article usage
the army
show examples
, train school students
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
controlled
Correct article usage
a controlled
show examples
 environment, which results in creating a good human being. People send their
children
 to different camps where they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 taught to follow certain guidelines
such
 as self-cleaning, washing their own
cloth
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 etc.
In addition
 to
this
, implementing
rules
 will help them to be ready for the future. Every day we need to follow different
rules
such
 as traffic, driving, queuing, filing taxes on time etc.
Therefore
, if the
children
 learn to follow
rules
, they might not feel difficulty in engaging with future obstacles.
For example
, In Japan, the number of accidents is very
less
Replace the word
low
show examples
, because their citizens are well trained in childhood about the
rules
. If they were not trained, there might be different conditions. In conclusion,
children
 should be grown in a controlled environment where most of the things should be based on guidelines. In my view, in order to, have disciplined and trained citizens, they should be made to follow
rules
.
Submitted by ravi.jecrc.me on

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task response
The essay provides a partially relevant response to the task. It discusses the importance of rules for children's development, but fails to address the extent to which children would benefit from fewer rules and greater freedom. It is important to directly address the prompt and provide a clear position on the issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion, with logical progression and appropriate use of linking words. However, there are areas where the essay lacks clarity and coherence, particularly in the development of ideas and examples. It is important to ensure that ideas are well-developed and organized to enhance coherence and cohesion.

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