IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that parents have a great influence on the children’s growth but influence from the outside plays a more important role. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #parents #influence #children’s #growth #role
The guidance of guardians plays a vital role in the development of offspring.Simultaneously, the
knowledge
 from the outskirt is
also
 required for the betterment of their future . I totally rely on
this
 statement because
with
Add the comma(s)
,with
show examples
 the impact of a parent, the awareness about the outer world
also
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to achieve goals.
This
 essay will analyse both statements before drawing a rational conclusion
However
, there are several ways
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 which
parents
 modify their future stars.
To begin
 with,
Although
 the
knowledge
 of books is required for the carrier, it may be true that the
knowledge
 of sacraments can learn from their houses. for example, whenever they provide gratitude and respect to their elders and friends
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
children
 always observe their
parents
 and start following them.
Furthermore
,
parents
 are always provided
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
supportive and secure environment for their
children
 by which they lead themselves on the right path . For an instance,
parents
 understand their
children
 with patience and provide proper advice while they did mistakes.
Moreover
, The
knowledge
 from outside
also
 requires to develop skills and studies.
Firstly
,
although
 the
parents
 take the lessons on a priority basis, it could be argued that students enrich their subjects while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they interact with teachers and classmates. To illustrate, It seems that
children
 start to learn and concentrate more because of fear of teachers and competition.
Secondly
,
although
 the
parents
 always help to
children
 to polish their talents, it could be argued that by the social event, annual function and other competitive tasks they analyze their talents. To put in another way, according to their choice of plays, help to find their interest of the direction In conclusion,
Although
 the
parents
 have a high influence on their lives, it could be argued that the awareness of seconder
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
also
 require to achieve their targets in future
Submitted by vikrules87 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: