IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money?

#celebrities #money
Most
people
 think that superstars are paid too much
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 general job holders. I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
it, and give my view.
Firstly
, Famous personalities have
high
Correct word choice
a higher
show examples
 pay scale
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 government and private job holders. It is because they are surrounded by
people
 everywhere and often told that they
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 have
private
Add an article
a private
show examples
 life. But I think they should not be paid
such
massive
Correct article usage
a massive
show examples
 amount. More than celebrities, government workers are most important, because they serve
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the nation.
This employees
Change the determiner
This employee
These employees
show examples
 will eventually have more stress than a film
start
Correct your spelling
star
show examples
 or any well-known personalities.
For example
, Police
officer
Fix the agreement mistake
officers
show examples
 have much more stressful
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
 when compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
superstars or
film makers
Correct your spelling
film-makers
show examples
. As the
officer
Change noun form
officer's
show examples
 responsibility is
also
 to protect
this
celebrates
Replace the word
celebration
show examples
.
Secondly
,
Dispite
Correct your spelling
despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
having
such
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 amount, some stars will waste that money only for their lavish being but they
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 help poor
people
. They
also
 do add promotions in which they will get
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of money.
While
 a direct impact will be on our country with government employees. So they are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who should be benefited
first,
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 who are strong pillars of student's education.
This
Change the determiner
This person
These people
show examples
people
 should have
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 priority.
For example
, without a teacher
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 no
achivements
Correct your spelling
achievements
achievement
 and development in the country,
wheras
Correct your spelling
whereas
 with film stars there is no difference
whether
Change preposition
in whether
show examples
 they are present or not. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
celebrites
Correct your spelling
celebrities
 are paid too much. it appears to me that it is totally absurd to pay enormous salaries for personalities whose jobs do not improve our quality of life on a daily basis.
Submitted by tassajay93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your introduction lacks a clear opinion statement. Make sure to clearly present your opinion on whether you agree or disagree with the given statement
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to include a clear introduction that presents the topic and your opinion, and a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: