IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Animals are in danger of extinctions. Some people say we should protect only those animal which are useful to humans. Do you agree or disagree ?

#animals #danger #extinctions #people #humans
Have you ever thought that our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 would be in danger if we
do
Wrong verb form
did
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 not try to save
animals
'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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? undoubtedly,
animals
 are important as
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as humans, so they should have
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 to live not to die. Unfortunately, some people
bleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 humans should just
presave
Correct your spelling
preserve
animals
which
Correct word choice
that
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 they need
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In my opinion, is not
faire
Correct your spelling
fair
 to let them die, because we think they are not gainful. On the one hand,
animals
 are
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 part of
Correct article usage
the nature
show examples
nature
Replace the word
natural
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 cycle, so even one extinction of them will break the cycle.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
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 there would be some disasters around the world like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 deforestation, and fewer water sources.
For example
, there are no natural forests around
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Europe, because decades ago, lots of species in
these area
Change the determiner
this area
these areas
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 died and
then
 forests
have been
Wrong verb form
were
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 destroyed during a specific period. But now, when we are looking at the
breath-taking
Correct your spelling
breathtaking
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 artificial jungles of
erupean
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European
 nations we notice they
underestood
Correct your spelling
understood
 how
animals
' absence would threaten
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature.
Additionally
, all live creatures have a right to live safely,
animals
 are
not
Correct your spelling
no
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 exception.
Therefore
, all countries around the world should try to make an atmosphere and safe environment
specially
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especially
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, for holding rare
animals
. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
, we all know, Pandas could be destroyed
compeletely
Correct your spelling
completely
, if nobody cares about them. These cute
animals
 do not play an active role
to save
Change preposition
in saving
show examples
human's
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human
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, but authorities who
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 they have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to live spend
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge amount of money to
presave
Correct your spelling
preserve
 them. In conclusion, no
animals
 should die because they do not have any practical
usage
Replace the word
use
show examples
 for humans.
As a result
, all nations should be aware of their importance
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our planet, and allocate enough money to keep them
survive
Wrong verb form
surviving
show examples
.
Submitted by afrough on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. Try to provide a thesis statement that mentions the main argument of your essay.
logical structure
Work on structuring your essay with clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea, supported by facts or examples.
supported main points
Develop your arguments more thoroughly by providing clear, relevant examples. This will help reinforce your points and make your essay more persuasive.
complete response
Make sure to address the prompt fully by discussing both sides of the argument, if necessary, and by giving a well-rounded view on the topic before stating your opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Use a range of sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas more clearly and effectively. Avoid repetition and strive for clarity throughout your essay.
relevant specific examples
Include specific examples to support your statements. General statements are less impactful than those that are supported by facts or real-world evidence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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