IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The responsibility of bringing up children should be shared equally between mother and father. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#responsibility #children #mother #father
Raising
children
 should be equally shared between
parents
. I completely agree that father and mother are having the same degree of burden for it as not only it can prevent intense stress to
one
 of them but
also
children
 with balanced care will feel more love.
Firstly
, task-related to
children
 needs, especially the young
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 are not simple and it often triggers stress for adults. As a parent, they must ensure their
children
 get the best care of their needs.
This
 pressuring condition surely force
parents
 to put a maximum effort to fulfil it.
Hence
, having a partner that willing to share that responsibility is a big relief. Having known that their spouse is always ready to help will affect directly
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one
's mental condition in a positive way.
Therefore
, working together as a partner is
one
 effective way to overcome that pressuring moment. Another point to consider is that
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
caring for the
children
 with the same level of love from mother and father, it will affect their
children
 perception of love. If
one
 side is heavily involved with the responsible task related to
children
 need, it could make the boy or girl feel their
parents
 do not have the same level of affection towards them.
Furthermore
, they might feel some distance in terms of feeling with the person that rarely interacts with them even though the person is his/her own parent.
Thus
, having an equal responsibility between men and women is important for the
children
. To conclude, working together as a team and divide the responsibility with a reasonable same amount is a good thing for a family. It can prevent the stressful condition for
parents
 and concurrently it create good connection with the
children
.
Submitted by muhamad.herwindo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: