IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is more important forschool children to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that some commentators argue that it is more necessary for
children
Use synonyms
 to
study
Use synonyms
 local
history
Use synonyms
 than the
history
Use synonyms
 of the
world
Use synonyms
. While I agree that school
children
Use synonyms
 should learn about local
history
Use synonyms
, I believe that schools should
study
Use synonyms
 the
history
Use synonyms
 of the
world
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, it is more significant for
children
Use synonyms
 to
study
Use synonyms
 local
history
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
knowing about the past of their country forms a sense of belonging and pride in each child.
For example
Linking Words
, when
children
Use synonyms
 learn about how their earlier generations fought and made sacrifices for their freedom of the country, they will appreciate the value of life and liberty they enjoy today.
Secondly
Linking Words
, as youngsters have a deep understanding of the origins and core values of their nation, they will be motivated to carry on the best customs for generations to come.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, schoolchildren should be encouraged to have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge of the
history
Use synonyms
 of the
world
Use synonyms
. The current trend towards globalisation
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 it more necessary for pupils to know about ethnic groups and other cultures.
This
Linking Words
 will form a mutual understanding of the origins and
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
 of countries over the
world
Use synonyms
. Another important factor is that a
study
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
world
Use synonyms
history
Use synonyms
 provides the youngster with
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 overview of the inter-relation of nations and how international historical events,
such
Linking Words
 as colonisation, shaped contemporary society. In conclusion, it is equally important for school boys and school girls to
study
Use synonyms
 local
history
Use synonyms
 as well as
world
Use synonyms
history
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: