IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Many people believe that using chemicals in food is detrimental to our health. Do the dangers derived from the use of chemicals in food production and preservation outweigh the advantages?

#people #chemicals #food #health #dangers #production #preservation
Lots of individuals are convinced that adding and exerting
chemicals
 in nutrition will be destructive
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our well-being.
Although
 there are many demerits in using
chemicals
 in
food
, I tend to accept that there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
 some undeniable benefits in using them. There are some merits in using
chemicals
 in
food
,
to begin
 with,
chemicals
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are added
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 products, make them more appealing in different ways, like
flavoring
Change the spelling
flavouring
show examples
,
coloring
Change the spelling
colouring
show examples
 and
odouring
Correct your spelling
colouring
odour
during
. Another significant profit of the use of
chemicals
 in
food
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is that the addition of
chemicals
 in fruits can diminish the
ripen
Change the form of the verb
ripening
show examples
 time. The crops will be prepared in
shorter
Add an article
a shorter
show examples
 time with even more quality. Despite the advantages of the use of
chemicals
 in nutrition, I am convinced that the disadvantages of using them, outweigh the advantages. One of the most serious
drawback
Change to a plural noun
drawbacks
show examples
 of
chemicals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is the disservice that they afford for our body, like increasing the possibility of having cancer and a lot of
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 diseases. The
second
 substantial con of
chemicals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is the spoil of nature.
Chemicals
 contaminate water, Soil and even
atmosphere
Correct article usage
the atmosphere
show examples
,
this
 factor causes a lot of difficulty for all of the creatures,
for instance
, dying
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
expiring
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
show examples
 in polluted waters. While it may be correct that using
chemicals
 in
food
 is beneficial, But it still appears to me that because of the dangers that
chemicals
 have, decreasing
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 usage
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a wiser decision.
Submitted by shaghayegh.moradiii76 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: