There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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These days, young people become more and more

stress

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stressed

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because of pressure to

success

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succeed

show examples

in their education.

Accordingly

Linking Words

, some people claim that only academic

subjects

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should be

taugh

Correct your spelling

taught

in school. Other

subjects

Use synonyms

are not good for

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

concentrate. As far as I am concern, I strongly disagree with

this

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statement for several reasons which will be discussed in

this

Linking Words

essay. One of the main reasons is that non-academic

subjects

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could improve student's practical

skills

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This

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is because there are a number of

skills

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which

Correct pronoun usage

that

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students

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could learn outside their books or classrooms.

Students

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could gain these experiences and apply them to their daily life.

For example

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, In Thailand, all high school

students

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must attend a cooking class.

Therefore

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, most Thai

students

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could cook some basic menus for themselves.

Moreover

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, some

skills

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are

benefit

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beneficial

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for higher education

such

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as writing and creative

skills

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. Another reason is that non-academic classes are good for mental health. To explain,

students

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might be

stress

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stressful

show examples

when they study a lot of academic

subjects

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in schools.

However

Linking Words

, other classes,

such

Linking Words

as a physical education class, will reduce their anxiety.

For instance

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, according to the research conducted by Oxford University, playing football is not only good for physical health

Remove the comma

apply

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but

also

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reduce bad emotions.

Also

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, art and music can make

students

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more relaxed during they are in

schools

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school

show examples

. In conclusion, I believe that non-academic classes have various plus points for

students

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Consequently

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, I totally disagree with

this

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statement and schools should not remove these

subjects

Use synonyms

from the school syllabus.

Submitted by molwan_tae on Thu Sep 02 2021

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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