There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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These days, young people become more and more
stress
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stressed

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because of pressure to
success
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succeed

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in their education.
Accordingly
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, some people claim that only academic
subjects
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should be
taugh
Correct your spelling
taught

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in school. Other
subjects
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are not good for
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students

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concentrate. As far as I am concern, I strongly disagree with
this
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statement for several reasons which will be discussed in
this
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essay. One of the main reasons is that non-academic
subjects
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could improve student's practical
skills
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.
This
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is because there are a number of
skills
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which
Correct pronoun usage
that

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students
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could learn outside their books or classrooms.
Students
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could gain these experiences and apply them to their daily life.
For example
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, In Thailand, all high school
students
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must attend a cooking class.
Therefore
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, most Thai
students
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could cook some basic menus for themselves.
Moreover
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, some
skills
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are
benefit
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beneficial

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for higher education
such
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as writing and creative
skills
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. Another reason is that non-academic classes are good for mental health. To explain,
students
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might be
stress
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stressful

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when they study a lot of academic
subjects
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in schools.
However
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, other classes,
such
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as a physical education class, will reduce their anxiety.
For instance
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, according to the research conducted by Oxford University, playing football is not only good for physical health
,
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apply

The comma before the conjunction but also appears to be unnecessary. Consider removing it.

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but
also
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reduce bad emotions.
Also
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, art and music can make
students
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more relaxed during they are in
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school

It seems that schools may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. In conclusion, I believe that non-academic classes have various plus points for
students
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Consequently
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, I totally disagree with
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

statement and schools should not remove these
subjects
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from the school syllabus.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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