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Band 4.5

Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on the society?

#people #time #home #effects #individuals #society
In the present
generation
Add a comma
,generation
show examples
 people mitigate spending
time
 in the
home
 and causes
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
 on a person or community.In the following
paragraph
Add a comma
,paragraph
show examples
 I intend to divulge the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the situations are sports and friends. The majority of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
interested
Add a missing verb
is interested
show examples
 in different sports and they spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 free
time
 playing.By these
conditions
Add a comma
,conditions
show examples
 they tend to have less
pace
Correct your spelling
space
show examples
 to spend in
house
Add an article
the house
show examples
.The young generation after school they will try to explore different activities
such
 as movies,
emusment
Correct your spelling
amusement
 parks and online games.The teenagers spend most of their
time
 in the gaming
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 and they
consequently
 reach their
home
 for bedtime.
Forinstance
Correct your spelling
For instance
,according to a survey around 30
percentage
Replace the word
percent
show examples
 of youth play
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 online platforms for 6 hours on
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 average per day.
Furthurmore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
 professional situations play
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 major role in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
the
 condition because people working for 8 hours a day in the office could be a potential
reasons
Correct the article-noun agreement
reason
show examples
.After hard work in
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
job
Add a comma
,job
show examples
 they will have few hours to spend in the
home
.
On the other hand
,It is irrefutable that spending less moment in
house
Add an article
the house
show examples
 could lead to
effect
Add an article
an effect
show examples
 on personal life and society.If parents are working for all day and they reach
home
 after dark
consequently
 they direct have
time
 to
time
 to care with their kids which around he determinate to their personal bond between family.
moreover
,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 face with friends.but if it has
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 influence on them can be
subsequently
 harmful to the community. To conclude,there are certain reasons populace having less
time
 in
home
Add an article
the home
show examples
 and that
cause effect
Add a hyphen
cause-effect
show examples
 on their personal relationship with family and in specific conditions for the young would lead to damage to the society.
Submitted by chinnublaster99 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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