IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more serious crimes seem to be committed each year. Some think that the death penalty is the best way to deal with this problem while other people think different measures are more likely to be successful. Discuss both view and give your own opinions.

#crimes #year #think #death #penalty #people #measures
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Use synonyms
Crime
Add an article
The crime
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 rate has been increased at an alarming rate, a number of serious immoral deeds are noticed every year .In
this
Linking Words
 regard , an array of individuals opine that
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
the death
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 penalty is an ideal way to deal with offenders .
However
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, other posses that there are some different ways to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 problem .
This
Linking Words
 essay will bring forth both the views
along
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withalong
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 my opinion which incline toward latter statement as these ways are best once . Initiating with the former
Correct your spelling
perspective
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prospective
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perspective
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, it is believed by some
people
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death
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punishment
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 is the best for those who commit serious crimes because they are habitual to doing
such
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 misdeeds they do not afraid
from
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of
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 small punishments and
continue
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tocontinue
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 indulge themselves
into
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in
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such
Linking Words
activities
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 even after receiving their
first
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punishment
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.
For instance
Linking Words
 , it is generally seen that there
are
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is
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number
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a number
the number
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 of
people
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 who commit
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Add an article
a crime
the crime
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crime
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crimes
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 and get lifetime
punishment
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 of living in
a
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apply
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jail but do not stop their indulgence in
such
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 moral conducts because they have outside link Thereby , it is better to
gave
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give
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sentence
Add an article
a sentence
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 to
death
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 rather than other punishments . On Contrary, there is another school of
thoughts
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thought
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 which states that there are some other approaches as
people
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 turn themselves into
such
Linking Words
 bad
activities
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 to earn large sums of money due to the lack of employment opportunities so,
government
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the government
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 have to provide good job facilities to the youngsters and taught some skills to those who commit small crimes in their
first
Linking Words
punishment
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 so, they don't indulge into these unlawful
activities
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 .
For instance
Linking Words
 , a survey was conducted by the jail council in China noticed that near about 70%of
first
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crime
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 offenders avoid
to participate
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participating
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 in these
activities
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 owing to job facilities they get by learning soft
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 in jail .
Therefore
Linking Words
 , I strongly advocate
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 notion as these measures will be taken ultimately
crime
Use synonyms
 rate will be reduced. In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 penalty
is considers
Change the verb form
is considered
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 as
best
Add an article
the best
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 way by some individuals
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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some other measures
helps
Change the verb form
help
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 to eradicate
this
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 predicament from grass root level if
people
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 get
desire
Correct article usage
the desire
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earning
Change the verb form
to earn
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 with job satisfaction there is no
crime
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 in society.
Submitted by rajbirkaurjammu21 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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