IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that young people bring more profits to a company. Others say that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #profits #company
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, technology
such
Linking Words
 as Artificial Intelligence(AI) was developed gradually over time to be used
instead
Linking Words
 in some human works but it is not every work
that is
Linking Words
 why
people
Use synonyms
 have to compete with other
people
Use synonyms
 more than in the past. So if you want to get your job, you have to be outstanding but I believe that both types of
people
Use synonyms
, regardless of young
people
Use synonyms
 or older
people
Use synonyms
 have the potential to make profits for their companies.
First
Linking Words
 of all, both types of
people
Use synonyms
 have different abilities.
for instance
Linking Words
, the older
people
Use synonyms
 have more experience than the young
people
Use synonyms
 but their thinking may not be useful in the present or the time that they do their works may use more than younger ones.
moreover
Linking Words
, the older
people
Use synonyms
 have work for their company for along times ago so their salaries should be high which are not worth for hiring them to keep working
on the other hand
Linking Words
, the young
people
Use synonyms
, their thinking may be faster, brighter, or wider than the older
people
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they have born in the same era as most
people
Use synonyms
 in that time so they will have the demands as same as the
people
Use synonyms
 in that era that might be made their work better meeting the needs of
people
Use synonyms
 than the works that are made by the older
people
Use synonyms
. to conclude, in the past, the older
people
Use synonyms
 stood in the same place as today's young
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 idea has not occurred only in the present but it
also
Linking Words
 occurred in the past and it continues to the future. So I think both types of
people
Use synonyms
 have a lot of potentials. But their potentials are different, so if companies use them in the right way, everyone can produce good results.
Submitted by zzknightzz555 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: