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Band 6

It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree?

#college #students #schools #home #parents
It is sometimes believed that
students
 who
study
college
 or university should live in
school
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 live at home with their parents.
This
 essay strongly agrees with
this
 suggestion for several
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
. The first argument given to support my opinion is that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 will live independently. To be more particular, participating in
dormitory
Add an article
a dormitory
the dormitory
show examples
 at
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 or
college
 can give
students
 a chance to have
experience
Correct article usage
the experience
show examples
 of
live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 independently and make their own
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 in every situation without their parents'
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
. It can be noted that
students
 will have the opportunity to live in a completely new environment, which can be considered a miniature society,
therefore
, they can
aquire
Correct your spelling
acquire
 many skills
such
 as communication or leadership and gain more experience from their peers. Take Vietnam for an example, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
 who reach 18 are able to make a living on their own.
For
this
 reason, I believe that
students
 should live in
school
 when
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
college
 because it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them to try to live independently. Another point behind my belief is that
college
 can lead
students
expand
Add the particle
to expand
show examples
 their relationships.
This
 is because when their peers live in
Correct article usage
the dormintory
show examples
dormintory
Correct your spelling
dormitory
, they will meet a lot of friends and expand their relationships to try to cultivate more knowledge for learning purposes.
Moreover
,
students
 can share
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 problems they encounter with their roommates, which are difficult to talk with their parents.
This
 will help them feel more relieved when do not have relatives around. In
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 day, lots of friendships
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 created in
college
 or university and they
helped
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 each other a lot even after graduation.
Thereby
Rephrase
Therefore
show examples
,
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 at
school
when
Correct word choice
while
show examples
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
college
 is the best way for
students
 to expand their relationships. In conclusion, I entirely agree that pupils who
study
college
 should live in
school
 given the aforementioned arguments.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Continue to develop your ability to structure essays clearly, ensuring that your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are distinct and well-developed.
Task Achievement
Expand on the use of examples to support your arguments, providing specific instances where possible to illustrate your points more vividly.
General
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typos to enhance the overall readability of your essays.
Structure
Effectively structured essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion
Argument Support
Strongly supported arguments with relevant examples and explanations
Language Use
Effective use of language to convey your opinions and arguments, making your stance clear

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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