Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this?

#people #companies #employees #exercise #time

Exercise

leads to a better life. I believed companies should provide

exercise

time to their respective employees

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

. It can help them to be productive and improve their mental and physical health before starting the day. On the one hand, being productive at

work

helps the company to

finished

Change the form of the verb

finish

show examples

all the things on time.

Also

, our brain will function. Exercising before

work

gives a lot of advantages.

For example

, if you're sleepy and lazy to

work

exercise

can help us to function properly.

Secondly

, it can motivate us to be more reliable to

work

On the other hand

, it improved our mental and physical health, because when working we need to think a lot of ideas and how to build better

result

Fix the agreement mistake

results

show examples

for the company. With that, our boss can commend us

Change preposition

for

show examples

doing that.

Additionally

exercise

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

an important role in our lives not just helping us

about

Change preposition

with

show examples

work

but

also

for our health. Most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

Add an article

the people

show examples

working in

a corporate sectors

Correct the article-noun agreement

corporate sectors

a corporate sector

show examples

were

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

just sitting in

an ergonomic chairs

Correct the article-noun agreement

an ergonomic chair

ergonomic chairs

show examples

without moving the whole day.

Exercise

will be helpful for them to start up

work

, and

also

they

atleast

Correct your spelling

at least

moved their bodies. To sum up, I firmly believe that

exercise

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

a great contribution to our life.

Finally

, all of us should

atleast

Correct your spelling

at least

exercise

every day not just to stay healthy but to be more productive and improved our skills.

Submitted by RoseOrlaes on Thu Sep 02 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

232 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

As parents, they should be required to attend parenting courses every year to bring up their children well and give them a better environment for growth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way / the only way to reduce poverty(INDIVIDUALS / GOVERNMENT) in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. do you agree or disagree?

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.