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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree?

#future #reason #mall #entertainment #shop
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It is true that some
people
 argue that the primary purpose of going to the shopping
center
Change the spelling
centre
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was
Wrong verb form
is
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 to go shopping.
However
, other
people
 nowadays often claim that the shopping
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 is becoming a fascinating place for leisure time. As far as I am concerned, I completely agree that many
people
 tend to go there for entertainment. In the twentieth century, a significantly larger number of
people
 are using the internet for purchasing online these days.
Firstly
, numerous customers admit shopping online is more interesting and convenient than buying at a traditional mall.
For example
, many websites
such
 as Amazon and Alibaba supply a wide variety of products from many countries all over the world, namely books, electronics, computers, cosmetics,
cloth
Correct your spelling
clothes
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 fashion and video games.
Secondly
, those platforms are designed to be more attractive and offer good customer
services
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service
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.
Furthermore
, during holidays customers might obtain a special discount, so they will save more money.
As a result
, various sites can retain their consumers and make them satisfied.
On the other hand
, the shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 are more luxurious and modern, which is becoming a tremendous place for entertainment. The reason for
this
 is that the shopping malls have various state-of-the-art facilities,
for instance
, gyms, spas, swimming pools and figure skating.
In addition
, malls
also
 have a range of well-known food and drink branches at reasonable prices. The other reason for
this
 is that there are a lot of fun activities for teenagers and even adults, particularly those who love to play bowling, basketball and climbing.
Moreover
, visitors can go there to watch movies, exhibitions and special events and they can
also
 take photos with their
family
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families
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 to keep their happy memories. In conclusion, in today’s
world
Add a comma
world,
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 both arguments have their own considerable element in society.
Whereas
, I strongly believe that shopping malls are going to be ideal places for everyone to make friends, relax and enjoy themselves in leisure time.
Submitted by trananhtan1013 on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a more detailed and focused introduction and conclusion to help guide the reader through the essay.
task achievement
Your arguments are relevant and clear. Make sure to address the opposing viewpoint more explicitly to fully address the task question.
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