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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that in order to give opportunities to the new generation, companies should encourage the employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #opportunities #generation #companies #employees
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In recent years, there is an ongoing debate whether there is a need for companies to let go of employees who are older than 55 years due to many unemployed new
generations
. I believe 55 years old is the best retirement
age
 for all. In
this
 essay, I will examine carefully
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the pros and cons to support my opinion.
Firstly
, there are many young unemployed graduates in our country. We have more graduates compared to the olden days as the education system has advanced now. And everyone in the society prefers to have a
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
 profession and there
is
Change the verb form
are
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 no more positions available to fill in.
Moreover
, many companies are hiring talents from other countries too.
Thus
, the chances for the new
generations
 to get a job becoming lesser and lesser.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement at
age
 55 must be implemented to give the
next
generations
 a chance.
Secondly
, early retirement is the best for
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 employees. The working environment nowadays is very stressful and challenging. At
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
age
Add a comma
,age
show examples
 we won't be able to handle stress which leads to physical and mental problems. The researchers have found that people who have retired early tend to have a quality life.
For example
, in
Japan
Add a comma
,Japan
show examples
 it is a law to retire at the
age
 of 50 and it is a proven fact that people tend to live longer in that country. In conclusion, I truly believe the older
generations
 should retire after 55 to give the
next
 generation an opportunity.
Submitted by vinesh82 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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