IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The use of smartphone is decreasing our collective intelligence because we are reliant on the technology and not our own minds. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#smartphone #intelligence #technology #minds
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that
people
's collective
intelligence
 is negatively impacted by
smartphones
 and they are overly relying on technology to solve problems rather than their own thinking. I disagree with
this
 argument because it cannot be applied to all situations. The impacts of
smartphones
 on
people
's collective
intelligence
 are heavily depending on how they use them. If
smartphones
 and related technologies are used as communication platforms and tools for
people
 to exchange ideas and facilitate collaborative work, the collective
intelligence
 of
people
 will be positively promoted. Especially during the pandemic period, most of the work is carried out remotely, during which workers take part in team meetings, projects and
group
 decision making via video calls and
group
 chats functions on their phones. Without the emerging development of
smartphones
 and internet technologies, it is impossible to support collaborative team working, not to mention the sparking of great ideas among groups of
people
.
On the other hand
,
however
, it is not deniable that some
people
 completely rely on their phones to search for information and ideas for different questions and problems without trying to figure out the best options by themselves. More importantly, if everyone in a certain team does not willing to utilising their own thinking skills, but depending on the online searching functions with their phones, there is no way collective
intelligence
 could be generated. In a long term, the unwillingness of using the individual and
group
 minds to solve questions are nurtured by
smartphones
. To conclude,
smartphones
 and technologies are great tools to elicit
group
 thinkings and collaborative
intelligence
 if
people
 use them properly as communication platforms and tools.
However
, detrimental effects could
also
 be found if
people
 are completely reliant on
smartphones
.
Submitted by liu_yuanyuan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: