IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

An increasing number of people choose to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #surgery #appearance #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
contemporary
Add an article
the contemporary
show examples
 era, in order to ameliorate the physical appearance, cosmetic and plastic
surgery
Use synonyms
 have become far popular.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 method may help some people, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
,opinion
show examples
 its negative effects are much more and I am, personally,
in contrast
Linking Words
 with these kinds of
surgeries
Use synonyms
. Cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
 ,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is extremely popular these days, may assist someone who was born with a congenital defect.
For instance
Linking Words
,
one
Use synonyms
 of my friends’
nose
Fix the agreement mistake
noses
show examples
 was so ugly, as well as, because of its bad shape my friend couldn’t breathe well. So she had
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plastic
surgery
Use synonyms
 to solve her drawbacks and after that,
her
Change the pronoun
she
show examples
 breathe problem
solved
Add a missing verb
was solved
show examples
 and her appearance got much better.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, an accident or a coincident may cause a deflection in someone who involves
such
Linking Words
event
Correct article usage
an event
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 case, cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
 will help the
one
Use synonyms
 to get back his/ her self-confidence and
beauty
Use synonyms
, indeed.
However
Linking Words
, as I am concerned about
such
Linking Words
surgeries
Use synonyms
 which are increasing nowadays, these methods are not good to become popular and get out of its medical reasons. A case in point is Kardashian sisters, who have far fans as celebrities, have changed the
beauty
Use synonyms
 assessments towards a disgusting way by performing many
beauty
Use synonyms
 operations.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 method to improve the physical appearance is dangerous for health sometimes and may cause irreparable consequences. As an illustration, I know a person who had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
breast cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
that her
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 operation did not go on well and she lost
one
Use synonyms
 of her breasts and
forced
Add a missing verb
was forced
show examples
 to inject gel into her breast! Another negative point
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 the additive that these kinds of
Use synonyms
beauty
Replace the word
beautiful
show examples
 ways create for people. The individuals who attract to the
beauty
Use synonyms
 operations have to commute to
beauty
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 and hospitals in order to repair outcomes due to their
surgeries
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 change the other parts of their body they think is not perfect. The effect of
this
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is the obsession
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 does not allow the person to think about positive activities
one
Use synonyms
 can do in his or her life. In conclusion, from my point of view, cosmetic
surgeries
Use synonyms
 which are soaring between people particularly teen ones
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is not a good suggestion to improve humanity via improving just the physical shape by imitating from some of
celebrities
Add an article
the celebrities
show examples
.
Submitted by aabdollahpour on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: