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Band 5.5

The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

#rise #world’s #population #humanity #time
The World's population is increasing at
such
 a high rate each day. I agree with the statement that growth in the planet's population is the biggest challenge faced by humanity during
current
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the current
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 time.
This
 growth is leading to various struggles for them
such
 as depleting
of
Change preposition
apply
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essential
resources
 at
faster
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a faster
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 rate.
Additionally
 , improper family planning is
also
 the biggest reason
of
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for
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this
 increase.
Firstly
 ,
planet
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the planet
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 has
limited
Add an article
a limited
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 amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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resources
. If not used wisely ,
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
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 of these
resources
 will occur in future.
Rise
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The rise
A rise
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 in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of people
directly
Add a missing verb
is directly
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 proportional to
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
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 in the amount of these
resources
 being exploited by them.
For instance
, if a family has
less member
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer members
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than
Correct your spelling
then
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 they will be needing less water and electricity compared to they need when
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are more
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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members. Careful use is of the
atmost
Correct your spelling
utmost
 importance.
On the other hand
 , improper family planning
also
 contributes as one of the causes in
this
 continuous rise. Each family on
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
average is having more than 2 children.
Instead
 of having the quantity , people should focus on the quality. They should consider their family income and plan
accordingly
. If
their
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there
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 are more people than the income
need
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needs
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 to
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their needs ,
this
 leads to
poor
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a poor
the poor
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 way of living.
For example
, if family income is not sufficient to satisfy needs of the
one child
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one-child
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 and
family
Correct article usage
the family
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 has three , in
such
cases
Add a comma
,cases
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 neither of the children will get proper facilities like education. In conclusion, thoughtful use of
resources
 , proper family planning , restricted number of childer in each family can help to resolves the above issues. At
last
 , the struggle of humanity can be reduced by proper family planning, using what is required and save.
Submitted by ashi.bdps on

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