Shopping online has various advantages for consumers but it may also have several disadvantages including the loss of individual privacy. Do the advantages of online shopping for consumers outweigh the disadvantages?

In various nations around the world, many
people
are doing online shopping as
this
ease
Correct subject-verb agreement
eases
show examples
their life in so many aspects.
However
, there is a small group of
people
who dislike it.
While
there is clearly a drawback to
this
, I personally believe that the benefits are more significant. The disadvantage of online shopping is the loss of individual privacy.
That is
to say, we need to register an account in order to proceed with the order.
Moreover
, we need to key in our bank details for the payment. So, certain
people
think that
this
is not secure
due to
the high rates of scammer recently around the world.
As a result
, they prefer to down to the shop for shopping purposes.
On the other hand
, one of the major pros is that online shopping saves
people
time
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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for those who work in the office.
This
is because these categories of
people
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
almost 10 hours in the office and to get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
groceries by going down to the shops is an inconvenience to them.
As a result
, online shopping will be the priority and smart choice for them.
Moreover
, online shopping provides a variety of choices for consumers to purchase their goods.
For example
, there are thousands of companies that do online business around the world.
As a result
, consumers will have a better choice in order to purchase the items in a short period.
In addition
, online shopping
also
helps the public to save costs in transportation and parking
fees
. Take Singapore country as an example, parking
fees
in the shopping
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
expansive
Correct word choice
expensive
show examples
and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
transportation
fees
have been increased recently. So, by
purchase
Wrong verb form
purchasing
show examples
things online, the customers only need to pay for the delivery
fees
thus
for the middle wages
people
will be benefited from these services.
To sum up
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe the pros are of greater significance than the cons.
Although
the consumer needs to disclose their bank details, they will gain a lot of benefits when they are doing online shopping. Given
this
, it is recommended that the public should practice online shopping as compared to the old method.
Submitted by tehmaylean on

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task response
Task Response: The essay partly addresses the task but lacks depth and thorough analysis. It briefly introduces the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping without expanding on each point or developing ideas fully. A more comprehensive discussion of the advantages and disadvantages, with clear examples and analysis, is needed to fully address the task.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the essay lacks proper development and support for the main points. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of online shopping, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. Additionally, smoother transitions between ideas and better use of cohesive devices are needed to improve coherence and cohesion.

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