IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, more and more women have full-time jobs as men. There is a logic that they should share the housework equally with men. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#countries #women #jobs #men #logic #housework
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In today's rapidly changing world, the debates, over whether equality between
both
Use synonyms
 genders regarding Working hours and logic for equality in kitchen work become a big issue The debates Surrounding resolve around opposing views. I believe that a
balance
Replace the word
balanced
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 division of labor, where
both
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partner
Change to a plural noun
partners
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 contribute to
both
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 domestic and professional responsibilities .
This
Linking Words
 essay will Explore
both
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 sides and conclude with my perspective. On the one hand, undoubtedly females are working full-time and have to be helped in the kitchen by person to reduce the stress and pressure.
This
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 means that not only have entertainment in the family but
also
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 love, care , and strong family affection and are more sociable
while
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 working equally and earning the same income.
For example
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, it has been shown that when men help the
women
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 in the kitchen, boys in the
house
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 are
also
Linking Words
 learning from their parents: how to help their soulmate in future with respect and create romantic angles just makes
women
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 more confident.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 supports my view that helping
Correct article usage
a
show examples
wife by
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 in the
house
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 after having a full-time job is meaningful and respected.
On the other hand
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, divorce is the main reason for
this
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 statement.
This
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 factor emphasizes that in modern times every workaholic woman wants to earn money just to help her husband pay all the bills during
this
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 inflammation period but if the man denies doing home chores; she will definitely be hurt and mind living separately because she thinks that she can earn money and do
house
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 chores and do care for the child; why
women
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 need men?
For example
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, it has been shown having the support of men to earn
women
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 is very important which is written on every site of interest.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if he isn't able to assist his girl,
according to
Linking Words
 psychology
women
Use synonyms
 Will definitely leave him and more than 75% of divorce cases occur
due to
Linking Words
 the same cases; the reason strongly supports my view in
this
Linking Words
 given statement. In conclusion,
although
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 a number of folks are not ready to provide support to their soulmate after their job which leads to divorce; I firmly believe that managing the
house
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 , and children by
both
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 genders is really important as it Will illustrate the care and love support
Submitted by preet01nav22 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly supports your thesis statement. Some points seem disjointed. Consider using connecting words like 'Furthermore', 'On the contrary', or 'Additionally' for better flow.
task achievement
While your main argument is clear, make sure each supporting point ties back to the topic. The connection between divorce rates and sharing housework could be enhanced.
task achievement
Try to be more concise to improve clarity. Some sentences are a bit lengthy, making them difficult to follow.
coherence cohesion
Aim for precise word choice to avoid ambiguity. For instance, differentiate between 'men helping' and 'equal sharing'.
task achievement
Expand on examples with specific details to strengthen your points, such as detailing how shared tasks influence specific family dynamics.
introduction conclusion present
You have successfully included an introduction and conclusion that address the topic.
supported main points
Your essay effectively raises important societal issues like divorce and gender roles, making it thought-provoking.
relevant specific examples
You used examples and personal perspectives to support your arguments, which helped illustrate your points.
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