When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There is no doubt that technological advancements are imperative for every nation to grow.

Although

they bring many benefits to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society, they have some disadvantages as well. I strongly believe that due to these developments, many conventional crafts are getting diminished and our

lifestyle

is getting negatively impacted .

Firstly

, current technology massively affects the way we live our life. The reason for

this

is a lot of people have become too dependent on the latest mobile and internet technology.

For instance

, most youngsters prefer to order food from outside via the food ordering applications

instead

of cooking homemade meals, leading to an unhealthy diet and

lifestyle

. Alternatively, if these applications had not been developed, most individuals would cook at home and enjoy the meal with their family. To summarize, some technical enhancements are responsible for the youth's unhealthy

lifestyle

Secondly

many

Replace the quantifier

much

show examples

traditional art and craft are getting extinct due to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technical developments.

This

is happening because big companies like Amazon are selling goods at a lower price, which local craftsmen are unable to compete with. One clear example of

this

is making mud pots is no longer profitable due to the advancement of online delivery

webites

Correct your spelling

websites

such

as Amazon and Flipkart.

In contrast

, if these websites had not emerged, local crafts would have survived and prospered, leading to less unemployment in the nation. In conclusion, while technological developments are pivotal to the welfare of every nation, it can hardly be denied that these advancements are

also

causing youth to develop an unhealthy diet and

lifestyle

due to extreme reliance on

latest

Correct article usage

the latest

show examples

mobile applications.

Furthermore

, local crafts

such

as pottery are disappearing because of the lower price offered by big

technical

Replace the word

technology

show examples

companies.

Submitted by anirudhgaurag on Sun Sep 05 2021

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

284 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Technological advancement
Efficiency
Global connectivity
Cultural identity
Diversity
Innovation
Coexist
Sustainable
Eco-friendly
Energy-intensive
Practical skills
Self-sufficiency
Homogenize
Preservation
Global diversity

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