IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that too much time and resources are spent on the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many people think that the amount of
time
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 and
resources
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 are utilized for the preservation of a number of species of wild creatures and
birds
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. I personally disagree with
this
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 notion and think that the
time
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 and
resources
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 which we have spent to protect them are not enough. In the following paragraph, the reasons why they are not ample will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached. The major reason that I believe that the
time
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 and
resources
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 we utilized for the protection of animals and
birds
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 are not enough is that these days, there are many products that are made of some parts of animal bodies. To illustrate, nowadays, a lot of clothes and bags are made of the skin of crocodiles and snakes.
Moreover
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, numerous kinds of
birds
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 are still hunted.
In other words
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, people currently often hunt
birds
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such
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 as hornbills and pigeons.
As a result
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, these types of
birds
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 almost become extinct.
In addition
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, a lot of wild animals are kept in captivity more often than not. In simple terms, several lions and tigers are controlled and forced cruelly in order to show to the public. On top of that, many habitats of wild creatures
as well as
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birds
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 are often destroyed.
That is
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 to say, currently, a number of industries
such
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 as the furniture industry and the publishing industry usually do deforestation which is one of their processes in manufacturing their products. To summarize,
although
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 some individuals say that too much
time
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 and
resources
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 are spent in order to preserve wild animals and
birds
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, I strongly disagree with the idea and think that they are not enough.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples and data to strengthen your arguments, particularly in the areas of deforestation and hunting. This can enhance the persuasiveness of your points and demonstrate their relevance.
coherence cohesion
While the essay structure is clear, working on more transitions between ideas can improve the logical flow and cohesion of the essay. Consider using linking phrases to connect paragraphs or ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance against the notion that too much resources are spent on animal protection, showing a well-defined perspective that is consistent throughout the task.
coherence cohesion
Ideas and arguments are organized into paragraphs that make sense and include an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which enhances readability.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Biodiversity
  • Intrinsic value
  • Ecological balance
  • Conservation efforts
  • Endangered species
  • Sustainable resource management
  • Habitat preservation
  • Eco-tourism
  • Job creation
  • Ethical considerations
  • Allocated resources
  • Poverty alleviation
  • Educational initiatives
  • Future generations
  • Wildlife protection
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