IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Friends have more influence than family on teenagers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Lots of people have been arguing for a long time about
Use synonyms
influence
Add an article
the influence
show examples
 on teenagers.
Does
Change the verb form
Do
show examples
 friends really have more
influence
Use synonyms
 than family? Some people adhere
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
opinion
Use synonyms
 that peers and
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 mostly affect on important decisions of teenagers. I’d rather say that parents are more important than peers, but sometimes they become more important than the previous ones. There might be different situations and the teenager chooses himself whose
opinion
Use synonyms
 he would prefer.
For example
Linking Words
: there is a teenage girl who wants to dye her hair. Her friends keep saying it would be good-looking, but her parents say it would harm her hair. Whose
opinion
Use synonyms
 would she prefer? I guess
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the girl would listen to both of them and find a compromise. So that means peers and parents both have the same
influence
Use synonyms
? No, it doesn’t, because there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 no doubt that parent only
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 the best for their child, and they are always ready to solve any problems he or she has. They have much more life experience than child’s friends, so they can always give
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right advice. But when the teenager meets his friend group, who hadn’t spent that much time with him, he finds something new. He discovers a lot of different opinions, that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 new for him.
Although
Linking Words
 he grew up knowing only his parents’ world views, he takes his friend’s views into the account. In
this
Linking Words
 way, by mixing all the points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 he
knows
Add the particle
toknows
show examples
 know now, the teenager is forming his own worldview. In summary, I would say that every situation is individual. But in my
opinion
Use synonyms
, family
influence
Use synonyms
 is the most important in teenagers lives.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: