Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In most countries around the
world
, technology is unexpectedly advanced and can have certain uses.
That is
, if used in the right manner for the right purposes
such
as tracking and surveillance on certain people which is done almost everywhere, it is now so common that it goes unnoticed.
This
essay will discuss the positives and negatives of the given points.
To begin
with, technological advancement is something which is experienced almost everywhere in the
world
. Keeping track of certain devices and what they are used for can be very beneficial for activities
such
as avoidance of online frauds which can be kept an eye on from any online server.
For example
, the FBI stated in 2015 that 50%
lesser
Correct word choice
fewer
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cases of online crimes were reported once internet surveillance was introduced. Call tapping and
surveillances
Fix the agreement mistake
surveillance
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such
as security cameras have many roles in helping police departments all around the
world
to identify certain criminals and aiding
to avoid
Change preposition
in avoiding
show examples
illegal acts harming the country. In general, 70% of public places are watched by cameras for safety. It is
therefore
an important factor to consider.
On the other hand
, monitoring might be considered as a major privacy breach
likewise
not preferring these activities. Most of the population might
be
Verb problem
apply
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not
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
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safe
due to
being discovered they are being watched all the time, as online data saved on humans might be sold to third-party organizations.
Such
as, Microsoft was convicted of selling
users
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users'
user's
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data to companies for AD campaigns which
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
to several people breaking their trust in securities. In my opinion,
world
automation has several benefits,
if
Correct word choice
and if
show examples
put to the right use, would be accountable for many generations in the long run.
However
, it might not be considered safe and trustworthy in terms of different minds.
Submitted by abdullah.asif619 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear hook to engage the reader and does not clearly state the response to the prompt. The main points should be organized more cohesively to provide a logical structure throughout the essay.
task response
The essay partially responds to the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of technological monitoring. However, the response lacks depth and fails to fully address the prompt. Ensure that the essay is more focused on addressing the specific aspects of the prompt.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Surveillance
  • 2. Monitoring
  • 3. Cell phone tracking
  • 4. Security cameras
  • 5. Public safety
  • 6. Law enforcement
  • 7. Privacy concerns
  • 8. Personal freedom
  • 9. Autonomous
  • 10. Breach of trust
  • 11. Misuse of information
  • 12. Institutional integrity
  • 13. Psychological impact
  • 14. Mental well-being
  • 15. Societal trust
  • 16. Paranoia
  • 17. Transparency
  • 18. Stringent regulations
  • 19. Criminal deterrence
  • 20. Apprehension of criminals
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