Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
In most countries around the
world
, technology is unexpectedly advanced and can have certain uses. That is
, if used in the right manner for the right purposes such
as tracking and surveillance on certain people which is done almost everywhere, it is now so common that it goes unnoticed. This
essay will discuss the positives and negatives of the given points.
To begin
with, technological advancement is something which is experienced almost everywhere in the world
. Keeping track of certain devices and what they are used for can be very beneficial for activities such
as avoidance of online frauds which can be kept an eye on from any online server. For example
, the FBI stated in 2015 that 50% lesser
cases of online crimes were reported once internet surveillance was introduced. Call tapping and Correct word choice
fewer
surveillances
Fix the agreement mistake
surveillance
such
as security cameras have many roles in helping police departments all around the world
to identify certain criminals and aiding to avoid
illegal acts harming the country. In general, 70% of public places are watched by cameras for safety. It is Change preposition
in avoiding
therefore
an important factor to consider.
On the other hand
, monitoring might be considered as a major privacy breach likewise
not preferring these activities. Most of the population might be
not Verb problem
apply
feeling
safe Wrong verb form
feel
due to
being discovered they are being watched all the time, as online data saved on humans might be sold to third-party organizations. Such
as, Microsoft was convicted of selling users
data to companies for AD campaigns which Change noun form
users'
user's
lead
to several people breaking their trust in securities.
In my opinion, Wrong verb form
led
world
automation has several benefits, if
put to the right use, would be accountable for many generations in the long run. Correct word choice
and if
However
, it might not be considered safe and trustworthy in terms of different minds.Submitted by abdullah.asif619 on
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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear hook to engage the reader and does not clearly state the response to the prompt. The main points should be organized more cohesively to provide a logical structure throughout the essay.
task response
The essay partially responds to the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of technological monitoring. However, the response lacks depth and fails to fully address the prompt. Ensure that the essay is more focused on addressing the specific aspects of the prompt.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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